The Challenge of Winning Over a Group

A few years ago, I walked into a room ready to work with a team.

Arms were folded, people were looking down, and not a word was spoken. You’d think I was about to take away their morning coffee! Not one person looked at me, and one of them even sighed out loud.

If that situation sounds familiar, you’re in the right place.

In this post, I’ll share the four simple things I say and do that win over any group – even those who’d rather not be there.

Four Things I Do to Win Over Any Group

After more than 35 years working with groups all over the world, I’ve learnt how to win people over, gain their trust, and invite them to participate.

It hasn’t always been easy. These strategies are etched from years of working with disengaged participants and difficult groups.

But they work – and I’m confident they’ll work for you too.

Strategy 1: Make It Fun

My number one strategy is to make it fun.

Now, when I say “fun,” I don’t just mean telling jokes or getting people to laugh (though that can help).

For me, fun is about creating a space that nourishes the soul.

Many people see fun as childish, unproductive, or even a waste of time. But I see it as childlike – full of curiosity, wonder, and the joy of play.

That’s a big difference. Childish fun can be harmful or embarrassing, and that’s never my goal.

When participants see that the experience is fun, safe, and free from threats or embarrassment, they’re far more willing to join in.

That’s when trust starts to grow.

Strategy 2: Offer Invitations

Another obvious part of my facilitation style is that I invite people. I use the word “invite” a lot, and that’s very deliberate.

It’s about honouring choice and providing agency.

For example, if I invite someone to share with a partner, I’ll frame it by saying: “You can respond in any way you choose.” That simple phrase reinforces that they are in control.

But here’s the key: just saying the word “invite” isn’t enough.

You must create genuine opportunities where participants feel they can accept or decline the invitation without feeling pressured.

Strategy 3: Honour Choice

Closely linked to creating an inviting atmosphere is my third strategy: honouring choice.

I don’t know about you, but I hate being forced to do something.

And the truth is, so does every participant in your group.

If people feel they have a choice, they’re more likely to trust you and engage.

But you can’t just say, “I honour your choice.”

You have to design an environment where they can actually exercise it—whether that means passing on an activity, contributing in a different way, or opting out entirely.

It’s like calling something an “icebreaker.” Just giving it the label doesn’t mean it will break the ice.

In the same way, honouring choice means creating genuine opportunities for people to decide how they participate.

Strategy 4: Take an Interest in Others

The fourth strategy comes from advice a friend once gave me: the most interesting people in the world are those who are interested in you.

When people feel seen, heard, and valued, their confidence and trust naturally grow.

For facilitators, this means taking a genuine interest in others.

That might look like greeting someone by name as they arrive, using their name later in a discussion, or even admitting when you’ve forgotten and asking again.

These small gestures show that you care—not that you’re forgetful.

And that simple act can win people over quickly.

Final Thoughts

Winning over groups isn’t about having a flashy personality or 35 years of experience – it’s about simple, human strategies that build trust and connection.

Make it fun, extend genuine invitations, honour choice, and show real interest in others. Apply these strategies consistently, and you’ll find that even the toughest groups begin to lean in, open up, and engage.

Thanks for reading – and as always, have fun out there!