Break Up Cliques & Build Real Connections Fast

Have you ever found yourself in a group setting where a small cluster of people just won’t mix?

You know – where two, three or more people stick together, making little to no effort to engage with anyone else.

If you’re nodding your head, you’re not alone.

In this blog post, I’ll share three simple and effective strategies to help you break up cliques and get your whole group interacting, without the awkwardness.

What Is a “Clique” Anyway?

Let’s be clear: a clique isn’t inherently bad.

Whether it’s two, three, or a few more people, a clique is simply a group that consistently chooses to stay together and not interact with others.

Either they’re excluding people, or others just find it hard to approach them.

But here’s the thing – they’re not trying to be difficult; they’re just being human. Humans are comfort-seeking machines. We naturally gravitate towards what feels safe and familiar.

So, of course, some people in your group will cling to those they already know or connect with.

But if your goal is to build relationships, strengthen connections, or maximise the outcomes of your session, then creating a more inclusive and interactive group dynamic is essential.

Why Breaking Up Cliques Matters

If you’re in the business of building healthy, trusting relationships – whether you’re a teacher, trainer, camp leader, coach, or facilitator – then helping your group mix more broadly is crucial.

Because great programs don’t just happen. They are built intentionally.

That’s why I want to share three practical strategies that have helped me dissolve cliques and get everyone truly participating.

They’re simple, require no props, and best of all, they work.

Three Useful Strategies to Break Up Cliques

Strategy 1: Bring Intention to the Experience

This is the foundation of everything.

If you want to break up cliques and build a cohesive group, it starts with intention.

Too often, people assume that putting everyone in the same space and getting them to do something together is enough.

But it’s not.

Most people don’t arrive with the skills to intentionally build new relationships – so that’s where your facilitation comes in.

Make it your goal to create environments and moments that encourage people to interact with others outside their usual group.

When you lead with intention, people follow.

Strategy 2: Use Random Pairings and Teams

Once you’ve set that intention, the next step is to get people interacting with people they wouldn’t usually choose.

Forget the “count off in fours” or “pick a captain” method. They are predictable, uninspiring, and not great for anyone’s self-esteem.

Instead, make it fun and a little unexpected.

Try things like:

• Find someone who shares your birth month
• Pair up with someone wearing the same colour shirt
• Match with someone whose phone number ends in the same digit

There are endless creative ways to form random pairs or teams, and they all have the same effect: they break down barriers, make people smile, and help them step out of their social comfort zones.

Need more ideas?

Take a look at Getting Into Pairs and Getting Into Teams for dozens of creative suggestions.

Strategy 3: Facilitate a Working Agreement

This one’s especially powerful if you’re going to be with your group for more than a one-off session.

If you’re together for a week, a term, or even just a few days, take the time to co-create a working agreement.

This is a group discussion about how you want to be with one another. It’s about setting shared expectations for inclusivity, courage, and engagement.

And it invites people to reflect on how they’re interacting – not just with their mates, but with everyone.

The goal? To create a more enjoyable and productive experience for the whole group, not just for those within the clique.

You can learn more about working agreements (also referred to as Full Value Contracts) here.

WWMD
aka What Would Mark Do?

Every day, my inbox is filled with questions from group leaders around the world, such as “Mark, here’s my situation – what would you do?”

So here’s your invitation:

If you’ve got a scenario involving cliques (or any other group dynamic issue), drop it in the comments below.

Keep it anonymous – no personally identifiable info needed – just give me the basics, and I’ll let you know what I’d do.

It’s completely free, and I’d love to help.