How to Engage Unwilling Participants (Without Embarrassing Them)

Have you ever had someone in your group fake a phone call just to avoid joining an activity?

Or, there was a time when a corporate employee told me upfront that they only turned up for the catering.

If you’ve facilitated any kind of program before, chances are you’ve met participants who are, let’s say… less than enthusiastic.

Unwilling, disengaged, checked out – we’ve all been there.

But over the years, I’ve learned a few strategies that can help transform even the most reluctant attendees into willing, engaged participants – without embarrassing them, threatening them, or needing to break into some form of interpretive dance.

This post is inspired by a great question from Jeorffrey in Singapore:

“How do I engage unwilling or disengaged participants?”

A Story from My Early Days

My mind goes straight back to a pilot program I helped run for the police department here in Victoria.

It was designed to bring police recruits together with groups of young people—two seemingly opposite groups—to interact and learn from each other.

And it worked brilliantly for 27 years.

But in the very first pilot program, things got off to a rocky start.

It was pouring with rain, so we had to work indoors.

We’d just welcomed everyone and introduced the “challenge by choice” philosophy when something interesting happened.

All the police officers jumped up and got involved straight away. About a third of the young people joined in too. But two-thirds? They just sat off to the side.

By morning tea, most of them had warmed up and joined the activities.

By lunchtime, only two girls remained on the sidelines.

And let me tell you – I was not thrilled. Their friends encouraged them, even some police officers tried to coax them in – but they remained resolute: they simply didn’t want to join.

They sat there all day, not participating.

Then, during the final debrief at the end fo the first day, one of those girls raised her hand. What? I couldn’t help but wonder – what could she possibly say of value?

But then she said something that’s stuck with me ever since:

“I didn’t realise we’d laugh at the same things as the coppers.”

Wow.

Turns out, she had been participating all along – emotionally, mentally – just not physically.

And by day two, both girls joined in fully.

It taught me a powerful lesson about what participation really means and how trust is built over time.

3 Powerful Strategies to Engage Unwilling Participants

Since that early experience, I’ve developed three core strategies that help me connect with reluctant groups.

They all build on one another – and they all work without forcing or shaming anyone.

1. Honour Choice (For Real)

You might have heard of the phrase “challenge by choice.”

My mentor, Karl Rohnke, coined that term, and it’s a cornerstone of how I facilitate.

But here’s the catch: too many facilitators think that simply offering a choice means they’ve done their job. It’s sort of sounds like, “Oh well, I gave them the option – they didn’t want to play. Their loss.”

But choice is more than a checkbox.

Offering a choice doesn’t necessarily mean your participants feel safe or brave enough to make it.

So our job as facilitators is not just to provide choices, but to create an environment where people can make appropriate choices that align with the goals of the program.

Let me say that again:

Your primary role as a facilitator is to create an environment in which people feel brave enough to make meaningful choices.

2. Design for Brave, Not Just Safe

You’ve heard the phrase “safe space,” but I prefer thinking in terms of creating a ‘brave space.’

This is not something I’ve made up – it’s a scientific fact – but real learning cannot happen in one’s comfort zone.

Here are a few ways you can structure your sessions to support that:

• Sequence challenges gradually. Start with low-risk activities – like pairing people for a quick share – before asking for large group input.
• Use inclusive prompts. I often say, “If you heard something from your partner that resonated for you, feel free to share it with the whole group.” That way, even shy participants can contribute indirectly.
• Frame everything as an invitation. Not just in words, but in tone, design, and delivery. It has to feel like a genuine invitation, not an obligation.

3. Take Fun More Seriously

Yes, really.

Fun is more than just laughter and games. I see it as nourishment for the soul.

And every person I’ve ever met – no matter how unwilling at first – wants to feel nourished in some positive way.

Fun is contagious. When everyone around you is having a great time, it’s hard to sit back and stay uninvolved.

So lean into it. Be joyful. Laugh a lot.

That energy will do more than any clever prompt or forced participation ever could.

Final Thoughts

Those two girls in that early police program taught me more than I ever taught them.

They reminded me that participation doesn’t always look the way we expect.

And more importantly, they showed me that trust can take time – and that’s okay.

So here’s what I want to leave you with:

• Honour choice – but don’t stop there.
• Create an environment that invites bravery.
• And never underestimate the power of joy.

Which of these three strategies resonated with you the most?

Let me know in the comments – or better yet, try one of them out in your next session and see what happens.

Until next time, have fun out there.