Have you read Mandy Le Catron’s article in the New York Times titled To Fall In Love With Anyone, Do This? Her research also featured in a TED Talk on the same topic.
Once you get past the intrigue of ‘Can you truly fall in love with someone by asking 36 questions?‘ and ‘Will it last?’ there are two refreshing perspectives which comfort me:
- It is the process of sharing that actually transforms the relationship, not so much the questions. Yes, the questions do matter, and that they get deeper and more intimate is important, but it’s the sharing of oneself that fuels the magic to strengthen the relationship; and
- No matter the questions, no matter the sharing, it’s the choice (to “be” in love) each person makes (in the beginning, and from that moment forward) that makes the difference.
So, how does this inform my practice as an experiential trainer?
To consider this, helps us understand why sharing is so important to building relationships.
I am abundantly aware – and there is lots of research to prove the notion now – that when I invite people to share, transformation is possible.
But more importantly, just as the graduation of the 36 questions proves, it is absolutely critical that I create an atmosphere conducive to sharing before transformation is possible. And, to my way of thinking, sharing occurs as a natural part of ‘playing.’
Or, put another way:
SPACE > PLAY > SHARE > TRUST > CHANGE (INFLUENCE)
I wrote this on a whiteboard (forming it into a pyramid) during a training I conducted in China last week to set the tone for what was about to occur over the course of our 4 days together. The more I refer to it, the more it reflects my unique methodology and embodies those critical ingredients for human development. Or, indeed, love.
What do you think?
If building trust interests you (and why wouldn’t it?) I encourage you to read more about trust-building activities by clicking the link.